Gottman four horseman


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A good rule of thumb is to remember the 5: Gottman dubbed these, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Gottman four horseman

The four horsemen are counterproductive behaviors that negatively affect a relationship, and although all relationships participate in these behaviors at times, it is the persistent engagement in these behaviors that mark a difficult relationship in need of some TLC. Becoming defensive is an easy behavior to engage in when in conflict.

Gottman four horseman

Gottman four horseman

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Comments (5)

  1. The stonewaller might actually physically leave or they might just stop tracking the conversation and appear to shut down. It may involve mean-spirited sarcasm, mockery, eye-rolling, sneering, or name-calling.

  2. Mocking your partner, calling them names, rolling your eyes and sneering in disgust are all examples of contempt. The stonewaller might actually physically leave or they might just stop tracking the conversation and appear to shut down.

  3. Some forms of criticism are constructive, but in this case criticism refers to making negative judgments or proclamations about your partner in extreme, absolute terms.

  4. Stonewalling happens when the listener withdraws from the conversation.

  5. The problem with defensiveness is that once you engage in it, you naturally tune out what your partner is trying to say to you and begin making excuses, blaming your partner, and not taking responsibility for your part in the conflict. Research shows that this is the most damaging behavior to engage in.

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